15 jokes that we make u laugh

1.

 Teacher: “Anyone who thinks they are stupid may stand up!”
Nobody stands up
Teacher: “I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”

2.

 Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
  Me: If i tell you, you wont believe me.
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house

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3.

Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck , just say daddy!
Baby: F*ck, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: F*ck!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.

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4.

 Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No…
Girl: I am the principal’s daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No…
Boy: Good! *walks away*

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5.

  When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

6.

  20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die!

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7.

  When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think its cute. I just think it’s crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

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8.

   Husband (watching a video):
“Don’t do it! I swear you are going regret it for the rest of your life. Your’e dumb if you say it…! Don’t say yes. No! Aw dang, he actually did it! What an idiot!
Wife: Honey, why are you so mad? What is it you are watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

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9.

 Ever notice how after an argument is all over, you start to think about more clever awesome shit you could have said?

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10.

 *Hot Girl’s Facebook Status*
“Bored” –86 Likes –54 Comments
*My status*
“Just got accepted into Harvard!” -0 Likes -1 Comment from Mom:”…Nerd”

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11.

 Boyfriend: You know you can be a real bitch.
Girlfriend: I have been called worse.
Boyfriend: Like what?
Girlfriend: Your girlfriend!

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12.

 Say, “Do I smell popcorn?” right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.

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13.

 Q: Is Google a boy or girl?
A: Obviously a girl because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas

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14.

Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too. A dick rising to power.

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15.

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches your vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.